


A Blessing in Disguise

by Marl0u



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Spoilers for BLLB, Written Pre-The Raven King, background blue/gansey, pre trk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:03:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marl0u/pseuds/Marl0u
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After walking in on Blue and Gansey, Adam leaves Monmouth Manufacturing, his head spinning with anger. He wants to be alone. He needs to be alone. But when Ronan comes after him, he can't help but let him in. Why? Do his feelings for Ronan maybe contains anything else except flattery?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Blessing in Disguise

Adam knew he had made a mistake the moment he saw Blue in Monmouth Manufacturing. This was not because he was still angry with her because of their breakup. Or because he found it awkward to see her afterwards. They were still friends and Adam had learned to admire Blue in a more friendly way. But seeing her on Gansey's bed, her head resting on Gansey's chest, as they were studying a document that Gansey recently had discovered was still too much for him. Technically this could have been friendly, but the way Gansey's arm was casually around her, their legs were enstrangled and she looked when he talked, told him it was not.

They were so occupied with each other they didn't even notice that Adam had entered the room. Adam hoped that remained the way it was because he wanted to get out of the building as fast as possible. He couldn't look at Gansey and Blue without horrible thoughts crossing his mind. How long had this been going on? Did Blue already like Gansey when she broke up with him? Were they really dating? Did she cheat on him? He shouldn't care, because Blue wasn't his girlfriend and she could do what and whoever she liked, but still, it hurt.

Slowly Adam moved backwards, unable to get his eyes off his two friends hugging, unable to stop the thoughts from coming. He had almost reached the door when he stumbled across some boxes full of information about Glendower. The sound of falling boxes and paper spreading over the floor woke Gansey and Blue from their daydream. They both looked up and spotted Adam standing in the living room. Both their eyes grew wide and Blue's mouth formed a perfect 'o'. Gansey's arm slid from Blue's shoulder and he created some space between him and Blue. They stared at him as he stared at them, neither party knew what to say.

Blue was the first to speak. "Adam." She said and it was clear she wanted to say more, explain it, even apologize, but Adam didn't want to hear it. He couldn't. He turned around and walked to the door. Blue said his name again. Gansey said nothing, probably because he didn't know how to react to this situation. Adam didn't care at the moment. He just wanted to get out. His mind was so occupied with that one wish that he didn't see Ronan until he bumped into him on his way to the stairs.

"Parrish." Ronan said, his tone surprised. Adam didn't pay further attention to him, but rushed down the stairs. He heard footsteps behind him. They were light, which meant they were Blue's. Above him he heard low voices, Gansey and Ronan talking. Blue tried to catch up with him, but Adam's legs were longer than hers so he was faster. Just before he got into his car, he heard her voice again. "Adam. Please. Wait."

For a second Adam wanted to stay where he was and listen to Blue and Gansey, but then the image of the two of them on Gansey's bed flashed through his mind. He felt a flash of anger in his veins and he decided he couldn't face them right now. Don't fight with Blue. Don't fight with Gansey. He repeated his mantra again and again when he started his car. In his review mirror he saw Blue hopelessly watching him drive away. Ronan and Gansey had also arrived on the parking lot now, but none of them tried to stop him.

As Adam drove far away from Monmouth Manufacturing the thoughts ran through his head again. Since when did Gansey like Blue? Had he liked her when he had asked her to join them that day at Nino's? Had he liked her when Adam told him about the kissing problem? Why didn't he ever say something about it? Did Ronan know? Did Noah? Adam's head was spinning which made it hard to focus on the road. He needed to get out of his car and be alone for a while. But where could he go? He really wanted to go to Fox Way 300 and talk to Persephone. But that was Blue's house and Persephone was dead. He wanted to go to Cabeswater, but that was the first place Gansey would look for him. He wanted to go to Abliongy, but that was the second place Gansey would visit. The only place Adam could think of that would keep everyone out, was his apartment above the St. Agnes Church, simply because it had a lock.

So Adam drove home, climbed the stairs to his apartment and turned the lock. With a sigh he let himself fall on the bed. With his head buried in his pillow he lay still on this bed and the thoughts came again. This time he didn't stop them. He let himself be angry, sad and irrational, because he knew he couldn't hurt anyone here.

He didn't know how much time had passed when someone rang the doorbell. Adam didn't answer it. It was probably Gansey or Blue and he still didn't want to talk to either of them. He heard the sound of the doorbell again. He still didn't answer it. That happened a few times more: the doorbell rang, but Adam completely ignored it. He hoped the person at the door thought he wasn't home and would go away.

Unfortunately the person was somewhat more persistent to see him, because they started knocking on the door. Even before he said something Adam knew who it was. Only one person would bang this angrily on his door.

"Parrish, open the fucking door." Ronan Lynch yelled, "I know you're here. I saw your shitty car for fuck's sake."

Adam sighed and got up. He mainly did it because he suspected the nuns of St. Agnes wouldn't like all this commotion and a little because it was Ronan and not Blue or Gansey. He could handle being around him. It didn't matter if he would fight with Ronan because they would always do it again.

The first thing Ronan said when Adam opened the door, was: "Wow, you look like hell."

Adam rolled his eyes, when he stepped aside to let him in. "Did Gansey send you?"

"Yes." Ronan replied, because he was Ronan Lynch and he didn't lie. "He was worried you would do something stupid."

Adam rolled his eyes again and closed the door before returning to his bed. "I don't want to talk about it."

Ronan responded with the same words he had said the night Persephone died. "The fuck would I want to talk about?"

Adam didn't reply but buried his head in his pillow again. He heard Ronan taking a chair and putting it opposite of Adam's bed, as if he was watching a sick man die. He wondered why Ronan was still here. He wasn't doing anything stupid and he didn't want to talk. Ronan might as well leave. But somehow it felt good that Ronan was here, somehow it was comforting to have him here.

"Are you going to stay like this for the rest of the night?" Ronan interrupted his thoughts.

"I said I didn't want to talk." Adam said from his bed.

"I didn't say anything about talking." Ronan said dangerously. Adam knew that if it was up to Ronan they would do something extremely stupid now. So he didn't ask what Ronan had in mind. "Just leave me."

"Do you want me to leave?" Ronan asked. It didn't sound like a normal question. There was something else in his voice, but Adam couldn't tell what it was exactly.

"No." said Adam, a little too quickly. He didn't know why but he couldn't stand the thought of Ronan leaving. He wanted to be alone without Ronan's eyes following every move he made, but he also wanted Ronan's presence in his apartment for some reason. It was confusing and Adam didn't know what it meant. "Just... just don't bother me."

"Fine." Ronan leaned back in his chair while Adam sank back in his sea of thoughts. Gansey liked Blue. Blue liked Gansey. He wondered if they had kissed. He suspected they didn't because Gansey might just Blue's her true love. If that were true, she could kill him by kissing him. Suddenly Adam realized something. He opened his eyes and turned on his back. Staring at the ceiling he put the pieces of the puzzle together. Gansey was on the Death List. Blue and Gansey were in love. If Blue kissed her true love, he would die. Was that what was going to happen? Would Blue and Gansey kiss and would Gansey die because of that? Blue must have known about this. She knew Gansey would die. How could she fall in love with him?

Adam resisted the urge to call Blue, because he knew if he brought up this conversation it wouldn't end well. Don't fight with Blue he told himself. So instead of getting his phone Adam stared at the ceiling and tried to think of something else. His mind wandered off and ended on the topic of Ronan Lynch. Why had he said 'no' so quickly? Why did Ronan's presence comfort him? Why…?

His thoughts got interrupted by his phone ringing. Adam grabbed the device. The screen told him Gansey was calling him. He hesitated. Should he answer it? He wanted his friend to explain everything, but he was afraid he wouldn't be content with the answers Gansey would give and it would end in a fight. Don't fight with Gansey. Don't fight with Blue. So he didn't answer the call.

Instead he stared at the ceiling again and his mind wandered off to the same place it had been before. Ronan Lynch. He was pretty sure Ronan had a crush on him. All those subtle looks that were not so subtle after all. The fact he took him to the Barns and trusted him enough to tell him the secret about Matthew. That meant something, right? Adam felt flattered that Ronan had a crush on him, but he didn't know if that was the only thing he felt.

Glancing at Ronan he really wanted to lie in his arms, fall asleep and forget Blue and Gansey, but he didn't know if that was because he was hurt or because he actually liked Ronan. It confused him. He couldn't talk about it with Ronan, because Ronan didn't talk about these things. Ronan Lynch was built of secrets and he didn't like giving them away. That didn't mean he didn't care about those things, so Adam knew he couldn't give in to his urge to reach out for Ronan's hand if he didn't know what he felt for Ronan. He would hurt him. And still…

"Ronan?" He rolled on his side and looked at his friend. He wanted to ask him about his crush. He wanted to confess he might feel the same. He wanted… But he couldn't. So instead he said: "Do you think Blue and Gansey already liked each other when…you know?"

Ronan looked up. "Thought you didn't want to talk?"

Adam shot him an annoyed glare. "I changed my mind."

With a sigh Ronan got up from his chair and walked to Adam's bed. He pushed Adam's legs off the bed, forcing Adam to sit straight up, and sat down next to him. Adam was startled by the small space that was left between them. He did poor attempts to ignore his stomach jolting and his heart beating at a quite faster pace than usual. Fortunately Ronan didn't seem to notice any of it. He only looked Adam straight in the eyes – which didn't do much good to his already pounding heart – and said: "If you think Gansey would kiss or do anything else with your girlfriend, then you don't know him well enough."

Adam focused on the topic of Blue and Gansey being together and managed to say: "I guess you're right."

"Why do you even care? I thought you got over Blue."

Adam shrugged. "I don't know." He said it, because he really didn't know. He thought he didn't like Blue like that anymore, but the scene of Blue and Gansey on Gansey's bed made him angry for some reason.

"You don't know?" Ronan repeated. He hid the fact that he didn't understand that statement very poorly. Adam suspected hiding his disbelief had never been Ronan's intention.

"No." He said, "It's…it's all so confusing. Cabeswater confuses me. Blue confuses me. You confuse me." He didn't mean to say the last part, but the words had left his mouth before he realized what he was doing.

Ronan raised an eyebrow. "I confuse you?"

"I…" Adam started, but he didn't finish, because he had no clue what to say. He suddenly noticed that the space between their bodies had decreased. Their shoulders touched and Ronan's face was really close. Too close. Ronan's eyes locked with his, only to wander off to his lips. His face came a little closer while Ronan's gaze switched between Adam's eyes and his mouth. There was insecurity in it, as if he wasn't sure this was what Adam was implying. Adam wanted to take that insecurity away and kiss him, but that was a bad idea. He didn't know what he was feeling. He didn't know if this was even what he wanted. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. He said that out loud too. "I don't think this is a good idea."

A grin flashed over Ronan's face. "I don't fucking care about good ideas." And he kissed him.

All kinds of feelings overwhelmed Adam. Panic. He was kissing Ronan Lynch! Excitement. He was kissing Ronan Lynch! Confusion. Was he really kissing Ronan Lynch? And ultimately desire. Kissing Ronan Lynch. He forgot time and place. Only Ronan existed. Somewhere along the way the gap between them completely vanished. Adam had pulled up his legs and was practically sitting in Ronan's lap. Ronan's left hand was in Adam's hair and his right was on his jawline. Adam's own hands were in Ronan's neck, clinging to him desperately.

Adam didn't know what would have happened if his phone hadn't started ringing. The sound woke him from the dream and he pulled back. He felt Ronan's gaze on him, as he reached for his phone. "Hello?"

"Adam!" It was Blue. She sounded surprised, even shocked as if she hadn't expected him to pick up. "Are you okay? Gansey asked Ronan to check up on you over an hour ago, but he doesn't pick up his phone. So I thought something might have happened."

She was quiet for a moment. Adam didn't know what to say exactly. He was looking at Ronan, who stared at him too, his eyes wide and breathing deep but slowly. "I-I am fine. And Ronan's too. He's with me."

"Okay." Blue was clearly relieved, "Listen, I get if you don't want to talk about this now, but I just want you to know none of this was going on while we were dating. And we didn't tell you because we didn't want to upset you. I'm sorry."

Adam's gaze was still on Ronan and he was not really listening to what Blue was saying. It took him a few seconds to realize what she had said. "Yeah…it doesn't matter. It's okay. We're good."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…" Adam said. He didn't know what else to say. His head was full and empty at the same time. Thoughts ran through his head, but he couldn't catch any of them. It also didn't help that Ronan was still staring at him, making things extra blurry.

Apparently Blue noticed he wasn't very chatty at the moment. "Well, I guess I'll see you Wednesday when we go to Cabeswater. We meet at my place."

"Okay." Adam said and Blue hung up. Now there was silence, Adam noticed how much he had liked sound. Now there was only him and Ronan, still looking at him. Memories of kisses flashed through his head. It had felt good. Did that mean he was not just flattered by Ronan's crush, but actually returned his feelings? He still wasn't sure about the answer, but he suspected more and more that it was positive.

He tore his gaze off Ronan's face and put his phone on one of the boxes he used as a nightstand. "That was Blue," He said, "She wanted to check up on me, since you never answer you phone."

"Parrish." Ronan groaned. He had just said Adam's name, but he meant Parrish, cut the fucking small talk. We just fucking kissed each other. He would probably add even more versions of fuck to that. Adam was still glancing down as he sighed. Ronan was right. He created more space between them by sliding backwards, sitting against the headboard of this bed with his legs crossed in front of him, nervously fumbling with him hands. Still he didn't look at Ronan. "What?"

"Parrish." Ronan said again. This time it sounded more imminent. Adam's head shot up. "Can you say something different than my name?"

They stared at each other, both hurt and confused, but neither of them said anything. Adam regretted his last words. Ronan didn't know how to handle this situation any better than he did. Both of them were clueless. Since Ronan wasn't the person to give in first – Adam had noticed all the staring contests he had had with Blue – Adam decided he was the one who should say something first. So he apologized.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just…" He sighed, "God, Ronan, this is a mess. I'm a mess."

One of the corners of Ronan's mouth curled into a smirk. "Welcome to the club."

Somehow that made Adam smile. A warm feeling arose in his heart and a lost butterfly fluttered in his stomach. It was good to know he wasn't only one who sometimes got lost in his own life. He glanced down, before taking a deep breath, ready to throw everything out, all his doubts, fears and other feelings. "Listen, I know we should talk about this, but I feel like I can't tell you anything, because I don't know myself. I…I don't know whether I like you or not. I don't know if I just like you very much to be my friend, I don't know if it's flattery because you have a crush on me, I don't know if I return your feelings. I just know…"

His voice dropped mid-sentence. Something in Ronan's glance had changed. Adam went over his words in his head again and realized he had said out loud that he thought Ronan had a crush on him. Ronan had never admitted that. Had he been wrong? Was it something else? But why would he kiss him if he hadn't a crush on him? Suddenly Adam's head was filled with panic. Did he read the signs wrong? Was he so vain that he had imagined it all? Quickly he worded an apology. "I-I mean I thought… I assumed….y-you had a crush on me. I…I don't know how…"

"I never said you were wrong."

Adam didn't notice he had held his breath when Ronan spoke, before he let it out in relief. He hadn't been wrong. Ronan actually liked him. This conformation made him happier than he expected, more evidence that he felt the same way about Ronan. He smiled a little when he continued. "I only wanted to say that I don't know anything except that kissing you felt good."

He waited. He waited for Ronan to say something, because it was his turn now. But Ronan was Ronan and he didn't open up that easily. He remained silent, the gaze that lay on Adam was still strong, but the fumbling with the leather bands on his wrist gave him away: he was nervous. Eventually he said: "How did you know?"

It took Adam a few seconds to realize that Ronan didn't refer to Adam's feelings but to his own. He just ignored Adam's last confession. Adam felt a mean sting in his heart. He managed to keep his face straight when he shrugged and said: "Well, you check me out all the time, for starters."

Ronan swore. "Was it that bad?"

Adam couldn't help himself and laughed. "Yes, it was."

"Do you think anyone else noticed?" It was clear that Ronan was afraid of the answer to this question. Adam didn't and did understand why. He didn't see a reason why Blue, Gansey or Noah would have a problem with it, but he did see the world where Ronan grew up and it wasn't a place people who liked persons of the same sex were easily accepted. He felt sorry for him. Adam left the world he grew up in and he wasn't going to justify his actions to his family. For once Adam's life was easier than someone else's.

He hesitated for a moment, not sure whether Ronan would allow it, but then he reached out for the other boy's hand. Ronan seemed surprised but allowed Adam to take it. Adam squeezed Ronan's hand softly and said: "If you think Blue and Gansey noticed anything but each other, you're obviously stupid. And Noah…"

A little smile had appeared on Ronan's face. It looked good on him. "Noah knows. I think."

"Not so surprising, since he's a ghost and can read minds."

"Yeah…" Ronan said, his smile slowly fading, but his face didn't get its usual sharpness back. They both were silent, but their fingers were still intertwined. Adam realized it didn't feel weird at all, but natural, as if they had been doing this for years instead of a few minutes. Maybe there was no need to question his feelings after all. Maybe he already knew and just needed to be reminded of them. He glanced down and smiled.

"What?" There was no harshness in Ronan's voice, as it was usual. It was refreshing and sounded so great that butterflies in Adam's stomach fluttered enthusiastically. How did he ever question his feelings for Ronan?

"Nothing. I just realized I do know." He looked up and his smile broadened, his eyes glistening happily. "I think I really like you back."

Ronan raised an eyebrow. "You think?"

This wasn't Ronan Lynch's angry or upset voice. It was different. By locking his eyes with Ronan's Adam realized that Ronan was teasing him. Again Adam felt the butterflies, the pounding of his heart and even a light dizziness. He grinned at Ronan and moved to the place he had been sitting before, closing the space between them. Ronan didn't seem to mind. "Yes, I think so. So if you're willing to go through with this thing, I'm yours."

Ronan didn't answer that with words, but his kiss said enough.


End file.
